Eight Reasons Elections are like Wrestlemania

#ElectionsAreProWrestling

Everyone obsesses over exit polls.

The fans don’t actually have a clue what’s going to happen, so they turn to the oracle: Dave Meltzer, the John Curtice of professional wrestling. And of course, if they don’t like what he has to say, they’ll do an Ann Widdecombe and decide the data’s useless.

The pre-show panel has no idea what’s going on.

Not even Renee Young can get coherent thoughts out of Booker T. The pre-show is so long before anything meaningful happens that all the panel can do is sit around and fill time rambling about who’s had the best lacklustre matches on Raw this month.

Let’s be honest, neither Dimbleby nor Paxman can hold a candle to Renee in the “holding this thing together please god let something worth talking about happen soon” stakes.

Soundbytes are everything.

STRONG AND STABLE STRONG AND STABLE STRONG AND STABLE STRONG AND STABLE STRONG AND STABLE STRONG AND STABLE STRONG AND STABLE STRONG AND STABLE STRONG AND STABLE STRONG AND STABLE STRONG AND STABLE

Ahem…

The heel authority figure briefly gets their comeuppance.

Theresa May is still Prime Minister, but the plan backfired and she looks a bit silly. Remember her worried face as she addressed her constituents in Maidenhead?

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There was a run-in from an unpopular, past-their-best mid-carder handing the win to the unpopular heel, completely ruining the whole show.

Sting vs Triple H
Sting vs Triple H, Wrestlemania 31

Tory DUP deal headline

Rumours suggested that Kevin Nash could have changed the course of this election, but he tore his quad on the way to the polling station.

The whole show ends with a screwy finish.

Hung parliament: double count-out, brawl to the back.

There’s always a swerve on Raw the next night.

As the sidekick Ruth Davidson resents Theresa May for trusting the DUP. You know, like Luke Harper with Randy Orton.

Scottish Tory breakaway headline

Somehow, the most despicable heel on the roster works this shit-show to their advantage and makes a comeback.

Michael Gove is back in the Cabinet.

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