It may have escaped your attention but Impact Wrestling recently had a sale on their UK store offering six t-shirts for a fiver (which in classic TNA style, became Five for a Fiver, then Five for £23 without notice).
Given that Impact’s reputation has of late been around the same level as a dinner of turd rolled in hair served with cold chips, you are probably thinking “Jesus, no-one would be that stupid would they?”
AU CONFUCKINGTRAIRE MES PETITS AMIS!
We had that deal finished quicker than an Aleister Black match. Our rationale being they’d had a fairly good roster at one point, and quite a few sudden departures so the likelihood of at least one decent shirt was quite high. Of course the likelihood of getting a shirt that makes you look a bit like a sex person (presumably unintentionally) was also quite high given they thought this was good design for their #1 guy:
A randomly assigned draw of wrestlers probably including one nostalgic oldie. Think of it like a Royal Rumble of T-shirts. Only as done by TNA.
First out the bag is actually pretty good as MVP is probably number one Boy candidate of fellow Maintainer, Rob. So that’s one decent gift. I feel like I’ve got my money’s worth but also a little sad that I’m not laughing at how awful the shirts are.
Should I give these a star rating? Yeah why not:
Novelty value: *
Actual wearability: ****
Oh for fuck’s sake.
Well any sadness at not getting a shite shirt has disappeared quicker than Impact’s best wrestlers. I don’t know if it comes across in the writing of the site, but we are for the most part fairly left-leaning in our politics. I’m screaming inside in both a good and bad way.
Hulk Union shirt
Novelty value: *****
Actual wearability: ***** if I ever need to disguise myself as an arsehole, otherwise zero
This Samoa Joe (that’s what it is right?) shirt is either a visual interpretation of Scott Steiner saying “Submission Machine” or yay it’s our first Sex Person shirt; perfect for anyone wanting to casually signal they’d be up for a trip to the nearest dungeon. Especially if there’s also some Legend of Zelda cosplay involved.
Sex Person rating: ****
Actual wearability: ****
EC3’s shirt sounds like the slogan of a con man’s Get Superrich Quick scheme.
Premium percentages at discount prices!
Nice Font: ****
Actual Wearability: I am actually the sort of person who would wear this solely on the basis that I like the font.
#5 & 6:
TNA missed a trick here as they could have punted the lot to WWE as 2017 NXT shirts.
Cheap Joke rating: *
Only I could be so unlucky as to hope for a cheap Drew Galloway shirt and get two Hulk Hogan shirts. My girlfriend stole this to wear round the house. No doubt a photo will make its way onto the internet and be used as definitive proof that auld Terry’s no a racist, despite saying things only a racist would say.
STILL Rules shirt
(Side note: the addition of “still” is so casually desperate, it’s the best subtle summation of Hogan I think I’ve seen.)
Actual wearability: ***** (I guess I have to say that if my girlfriend is actually wearing it?)
UPDATE: this T-shirt (this actual T-shirt) ended up in techno DJ Nina Kraviz’ wardrobe. https://www.instagram.com/p/BVxdPOogJRN/?hl=en&taken-by=ninakraviz
No idea. Answers on a postcard. Free to a good home. GSOH. WLTM, etc.
Actual Wearability: N/A
We finish with one that’s 100% wearable. This is the Omega Vs Okada of carboot sale TNA shirts. We like pigeons. No pigeons were harmed in the making of this t-shirt. Although there are some who say they are pests…rats with wings.
Actual Wearability: ******